When she begins - The pursuit of happiness

I guess every other intern on this internship has already written about the blues that sometimes gets to us. I've been (and am) no different. Whilst we all have our own ways of dealing with things and things that make us happy. For me, key material possessions right now feature buckets with no holes, coffee and down jackets.

That being said, down jackets, coffee and buckets with no holes are not the reason why I came here. So how do you (me) find happiness 6766km away from family and the pungent odour of little sisters hamsters? One of the things that bugs me is the general stress and business prior to departing for India, which meant I was often too busy or too pissed off to spend meaningful time on saying goodbye.

Trying to identify the 'happy' factors was not easy given that quite often they are interlinked, as well as the existence of things that enable to temporarily numb down whatever part of the brain it is that causes the blues. Below you will find the conclusion which has taken a fair bit of time to reach:

1) Purpose.

Work wise, having a purpose has almost always been one of the key priorities, why invest the little time I have in doing something which lacks any meaningful purpose (other than to buy more down jackets, pay for visa, a shiny new ice axe or some other shit - meaningless in the long term yet highly satisfying). A key reason for choosing Outward Bound is the claim of providing personal growth to young people. And what could be better then this? Who wouldn't want to make an impact? Whilst I am not completely convinced as to how much difference I am making out here it remains a pleasant thought when getting a honest 'thank you'.

I remember very vividly the day when I was saying my fairwells to my groups when working for Preston City Council - the reactions, emotions and sentences like 'You really made a difference to my child' meant I was feeling utterly euphoric while laying in my bed and staring at the ceiling for the rest of the day. Having been a window-licker turned renegade in my youth I am well aware that I have my dues to pay for being a right ass in the past.

2) Love.

This is not something that people tend to be open about. I remember a discussion with Ellie about MASLOWS HIERACHY OF NEEDS and how the local stray dogs have brilliantly adapted in this respect. Most of all, they seem the basics like shelter, food and security and they find these relatively well. The thing they go crazy for is good old cuddles. Play with a stray, show him some love and I guarantee he will never want to leave you alone (as Ellie has found out). I remember very well stumbling into one of the strays I met in Shivpuri in a village which is based about a three hour car journey away. Baster III has randomly ran up to me, I could not believe it, the same broken tail, skinny frame and black face with the very same nibble on the hand.

Where this relates to me is that it is comforting to know there is something/someone waiting for you. In my case, I run on the unquestionable love of the original Baster - whether an unhealthy obsession or an actual thing I have no idea. Regardless, unlike my family (who had no choice but to love me), this 16kg lump goes absolutely crazy when he sees me and has undoubtedly gotten me through some tough times which he probably doesn't even realise/care about - its just what he does. He can hear my voice over the phone even without loudspeaker and positions himself in a spot that covers both doors waiting for me to come in or sticking his paw to the laptop when on skype. This suggests to me that he did not quite understand when I explained to him where I am going and how long for. I could quite happily fly to England for one evening just to take him for a walk and more and more often stop myself from doing just that.

Always looking for trouble.

Ladies (or anyone in fact), if you are reading this, Baster takes priority.

3) People.

I said this to a few people out here, one of the things that makes my time here great is the on-ground staff. Despite the difference in backgrounds and sometimes a language barrier - we rarely fail to have a good time and a laugh. As well as the staff I have met several other individuals from the Netherlands, Czech, Poland and of course India that have had an impact in how I feel in this big place. And it makes me feel good.
Having lived with Jay and Roz (and Scoob) I do miss their company (probably more than they miss mine) - these are guys who allowed me to stay with them despite me loosing their snake. I miss having a girlfriend that moults ginger hair all over the place and puts up with all my shit. The cure for the loneliness seem to be... solitude. It enables me to reflect and savour the moment which has passed and makes me happy that such moment existed. I guess I need to find new friends and a girlfriend...

Example of "taking my shit"

It is important that other interns get mentioned here too. Whilst we all come from different backgrounds and is safe to say we were never the best of friends (ewwww... paddlers!) they provide a great support network - although very often it may seem a bit too much like hatred.

In fact, I miss a lot of people, the excellent lecturers who were always a good laugh and of great support when needed - something which I exploited heavily. The staff from "The coffee shop" where I visited many times during term-time, the kids and the parents I worked with at the wall who never stopped being a source of entertainment. For someone who doesn't consider himself a people person, I surely miss a lot.

4) Mountains.

Today must have been the longest I've been without my mountain 'fix' in the last two years. I'm not happy to report that it makes me not happy. Last time, in Poland, I had an absolute blast assisting with a group in weather which ranged from beautiful sunshine through to utterly sh***ing. Before that, taking my cousin and her (now) fiancee around Wales, again, in conditions ranging from absolutely no visibility to getting seriously sunburnt within less than 2 hours. I love it. I love being tossed about by the wind, stimulated by "co jest kur**" kind of feeling when staring at my compass and map - only to realise one of them was upside down few seconds later.

One minute in wales..

And one minute after...

When pulling on some piece of rock attached to a bigger piece of rock, roped or roped it makes me feel free, responsible for my own destiny and good. All problems go away (except "why the f*** do i put myself in these situations" or "what's for dinner?"). This is the feeling I've been missing, the immersion into 'right here right now'. To my demise, it is this very same dragon I was chasing with my rock climbing - rushing back into it after recovering from surgery - with the rush only beginning to make me question this love.

"Is it just me or is it a bit steep?"

I am yet to experience the Himalaya, or 'proper' high altitude for that matter. One of my main dreams in this place is to get high and cold and I really hope this will happen while out here. "High till I die" springs to mind. I can quite happily say I need mountain in my life, and without them I begin to feel just a little more lost.

5) Music.

If you know me, chances are you've told me to 'turn that shit off' at least once. The influence of music in my life is unbelievable, it resets my brain, brings back memories which otherwise remain forgotten. It inspires and provides the 'fire' in my soul that makes me do what I do (... on top of moaning a lot). No matter what the day was like, I can put my headphones in and 'transport' myself wherever my heart wants to be, and this is a great tool to have when being far from where you sometimes desire to be.



To conclude, this entry is about a lot of everything and nothing, you may notice there is little India/UCLAN/work stuff in it. I can also happily say that I knew all these things before coming up here, but never knew just how much of an influence they have in keeping me happy. Being here has somewhat 'stripped' me of most things I am used to - forcing me to seek and rediscover.